Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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