I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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