I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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