Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
