Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
