first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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