So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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