His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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