"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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