You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
