Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
