I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
