Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
