I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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