I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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