We won't sleep together?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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