just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
