Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
