Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we should paint friendship bongs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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