They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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