Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
