I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
