What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
