like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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