I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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