I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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