since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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