guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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