I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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