just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
