his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
