she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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