Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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