I love black thongs
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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