i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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