tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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