i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
