if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
