She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
