So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
