4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
