I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
