you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
