saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do vagina's smell?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My vagina just recognized that song.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
