Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
