You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
