I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
