I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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