Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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