On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
