when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
